Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
