Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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