You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
