Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
