If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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