I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
