I can text with my tongue
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
