I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
