I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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