you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
