piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
