it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
