Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
