he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize