Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
