This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
