If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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