I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
