is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
