he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
