Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
