tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
