good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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