if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
