take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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