Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
