This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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