So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
