I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize