just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
