I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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