i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
