Do you still have your period?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
