Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
