I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This is not my ceiling
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
