I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
