my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
