Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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