Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
