Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
