So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
