Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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