Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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