No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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