they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
