So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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