My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
