Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
