Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
