I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
