You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
