Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
