he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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