Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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