I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
