happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
