I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
