did you get engaged???
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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