You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
