and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
