when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
