I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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