There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
