My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
