if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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