Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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