just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize