how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
