I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
