so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
