yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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