ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
