can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
operation harelip BJ is a go
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
