Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize