How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
