I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
