I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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