I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
