JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
