I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
