I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
