Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
