if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
