Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
