You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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