So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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