He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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