theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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