Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well I just put wine in my tea
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
