**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my liver is dry heaving
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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