if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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