My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
