I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
