Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
