you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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