I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
