True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
