We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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