Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
