On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
